Boned
by MuchAdoAboutMuffins
Summary: When life hands Temperance a heck of a lot of lemons, there's only one man who can help her make lemonade... I haven't seen season three or four, so apologies for any inconsistencies. JUST UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

This was shaping up to be the worst day she had ever had.

Most mornings, Temperance woke up to the sound of her alarm clock, ringing shrilly in her ear, rudely wrenching her from her dreams and thrusting her into reality. But this morning, however, she was awoken by a different kind of ringing – the horrible electronic ring of her cell phone, one of the sorriest excuses for music she had ever heard. It was the kind of noise that made her want to clamp pillows to her ears, and even though she had the opportunity to do so while she was still lying in the middle of her bed, legs tangled in the sheets, she knew that no one would be ringing so early in the morning if it wasn't important. Reluctantly, she rolled over, picked up the phone, and held it in front of her face until her eyes could focus on the called ID. Angela. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she groaned.

"Brennan." she answered in her standard way, except with a voice fogged with drowsiness.

"_Sweetie, it's me, where are you?"_

"At home, where else?"

"_Well we were just wondering if you were going to be joining us any time soon?"_

"At eight-thirty, as usual. What's the big rush to get me there?"

"_It's eleven o'clock."_

"What?!" She rolled over onto her stomach and grabbed at the alarm clock on her side-table, trying to get her eyes to focus on the illuminated digits. Angela was right – she had overslept by three hours. Because of her very tight routine that she kept before she went to bed (remove make-up, brush teeth, set out clothes for the next morning, set alarm clock), she found it quite hard to believe that she had overslept.

"_Booth's wearing a hole in the carpet in your office. I had no idea he could be so impatient."_

A plethora of expletives were uttered as Temperance hauled herself out of her bed, and ran to the closet to find some clothes. She was due in court that afternoon, and still had to go over her notes and prepare some evidence before she took the stand. The last thing she needed was to be late.

Hanging up the phone and throwing it on the bed, she hurriedly pulled a pair of slacks over her legs. As her feet got caught and she tried to ram them up harder, she heard a loud ripping sound a looked down to see that they had split right down the seam. More cuss-words, more yelling, more rummaging in the closet. She grabbed a pair of jeans and the cleanest shirt she could find, and ran into the bathroom with them, emerging minutes later wearing them, but with a toothpaste stain down her front. 'No one will see it when I've got my lab coat on,' she thought, barely reassuring herself, but realising that she didn't have much choice as there was no time to change. Socks were pulled from a drawer, followed by shoes from the rack by the door, and Tornado Temperance left her apartment, almost shutting the door behind her before she remembered that she hadn't picked up her bag.

In the elevator down to the parking garage, she fumbled for her keys, panicking that she'd left them upstairs until her hand settled on them in the corner of her bag.

The doors opened, and as she walked towards her car she noticed the dim orange glow around the front half of it, glaring in the dark of the underground garage – she had left her lights on. Before she even attempted to start her car, she knew the battery would be dangerously close to being flat, leaving her with no way to get to work, let alone get back, when she was already late. Taking her phone out of her bag to call for a cab, she saw that she had no service, and muttered more profanity.

She walked out of her apartment building in the hope of picking up signal, and as soon as the door shut behind her the heavens opened, drenching her to the skin within the time it took her to unlock the door again and take shelter in the lobby. If she believed in God she would be cursing him pretty heavily right now.

She didn't have time to go back upstairs to change, but her clothes would dry out eventually. Now she just needed a way to get to work. If Booth was so desperate to go over the case and get to the courthouse then he probably wouldn't mind coming over to pick her up. It wasn't in her nature to ask for anyone's assistance, but under the circumstances she was willing to admit defeat and call him. Now that she finally had a signal on her phone, she dialled his number and waited for him to answer and begin his interrogation on her whereabouts.

However, she was pleasantly surprised when he sounded genuinely concerned. He told her that Angela had explained about her oversleeping, and he asked if she was sick. Once he was satisfied that there was no reason for her lateness other than the fact that she had forgotten to set her alarm clock, he offered to come pick her up. She hadn't even had to ask.

She sat in one of the brown leather chairs in the lobby and waited for him to arrive. Her view of the street was slightly obscured by one of the many potted plants that was dotted about, but she saw his black SUV pull in to one of the parking spaces that had 'reserved for visitors only' painted on them in white paint. She was strangely relieved to see him. The rain had stopped a little, but a few droplets fell and landed on her already damp hair as she went out to meet him.

"Your knight in shining armour had arrived, m'lady... Did you take a bath in your clothes?"

"Very funny," she said, scowling at him as she climbed in to his car and settled herself in the passenger seat. "I'm not in the mood to listen to you making fun of me."

"I got you coffee." He gestured to the back seat where two Starbucks cups sat in their Styrofoam holder. "Forgive me?" As she reached over to grab one of them, she remembered that she hadn't started her day with her favourite caffeinated beverage, one of the necessities for a successful day.

"You've redeemed yourself."

The two of them sat in a comfortable silence until they stopped at a red light. Booth turned to look at her, and asked: "So, how does it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"To know that you've relinquished control for once. That life threw you a curve ball. I think you've coped surprisingly well – you don't seem to have ripped your hair out, at least."

"I'm not always in control, Booth. I'll have you know that I can live on the edge."

"And here I was thinking you planned every minute of the day. Your date-book that seems to be permanently attached to your hand."

"I know how to be reckless!"

"No, you don't. But there's still time for you to learn. Let Uncle Booth teach you."

"I don't know that I like the sound of that."

"I thought you said you 'lived on the edge'?" he said, turning away from her and putting his foot down as the light changed to green. "If that were true, then you wouldn't have a problem with _me _being in control and showing you how to have some fun. Watch and learn, Grasshopper."

"I don't know what that means..."

"Look, Bones, when we're done in court, we'll go get some beers and then see about getting you a tattoo. Or we could go skydiving. How does that sound?"

"Pretty irresponsible."

"Exactly."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N OK, so I wasn't actually intending for this to be anything more than a oneshot, but I decided to continue. Reviews and welcomed, of course, and I hope you enjoy it!

"So, Grasshopper, I think I've decided on a perfect way for you to loosen up a little

When Booth picked her up from court later that afternoon to drive her back home, he mentioned nothing of their conversation. They discussed the case that she had just wrapped up, and he asked her of her plans for the weekend. Temperance thought that he had forgotten about his plan, however when he turned to look at her as they stopped at a red light, she realised she hadn't been so lucky.

"So, Grasshopper, I think I've decided on a perfect way for you to loosen up a little..."

"Does it involve copious amounts of alcohol?" she asked hopefully. If she had to be forcefully dragged out of her comfort zone, she wanted to have some fun while doing it.

"Nope."

"It's not a tattoo, is it?"

"Nope. But you're getting warmer."

"I don't think I like the sound of that."

"Well you'd better start liking it, because we're almost there."

"Where?" The panic started to make itself known in her voice, and hers eyes widened. She hadn't taken him entirely seriously when he suggested that they do something impulsive together, and now she was beginning to regret her decision to go along with his plan.

"You'll soon find out," he replied in a sing-song tone, a wicked grin growing on his face.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

A few minutes later (or what seemed like hours later for Temperance) they turned off of the main road and down a side street. Shadows were immediately cast throughout Booth's car, adding to the mysterious atmosphere he hoped he was creating for her. He had noticed her tense up in her seat a little and he'd been mildly aware that she was wringing her hands together nervously, but that was all part of the fun for him - seeing the usually cool-as-nails Temperance Brennan becoming increasing flustered as they drove farther downtown was really appealing to his slightly more sadistic side.

"Will you _please_ tell me where we're going?"

"I can't, it'll ruin the surprise."

"Oh, come on!"

"You just have to trust me, Bones. You do trust me, don't you?" She thought about his question for a moment - Booth had practically abducted her and wouldn't tell her where they were going. And he had mentioned jumping out of a plane. So, right now, she didn't entirely trust him. "Your silence says it all, Bones."

"Well what do you want me to say? I have to trust you; you won't let me have my own gun."

"Wow, you sure know how to make a guy feel special!" He shot her a look of mock-hurt and put a hand on his pretend broken heart.

"I'll tell you that I trust you if you tell me where we're going."

"No deal."

"Why?"

"Because you're about to find out for yourself." He gestured out of the passenger window towards a row of buildings. They were all dark and sinister-looking, except the one furthest away, which had bright blue neon signage in the window and was very sinister-looking. They weren't close enough to read the lit up letters, but Temperance only knew of three kinds of buildings with lights in the windows."

"You're taking me here? To either a police station, a tattoo parlour, or a brothel?"

Her last suggestion made Booth laugh out loud as he got out of the car and came around to open the door for her. "Bet you can't guess which one."

"You said it wouldn't be a tattoo!"

"I know. And I wasn't lying."

"This is a tattoo parlour!"

"Relax, Temperance, I won't make you get a tattoo. You can get a piercing instead."

"No thanks!"

"I thought you wanted to learn the art of spontaneity and living in the moment?"

"I did. But this isn't either of those things, its just stupidity!"

"What's up, are you scared?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm a belonephobic."

"Baloney phobic?"

"No. Belonephobia is a fear of needles."

"Needles? _Doctor_ Brennan is afraid of needles?"

"If you're going to mock me, I'm going home. Screw all your carpe diem crap!" She turned to briskly walk away, but slowed when she realised that she clearly hadn't thought this all the way through, and hadn't planned how exactly she was going to get home.

"Calm down, no one's mocking anyone," he said, putting an arm around her shoulders and guiding her back towards the tattoo parlour. "Think of it this way - you get to be impulsive and cure your irrational fear."

"It's not that irrational."

"If you say so, Bones. But I'm not going to make you do this if you really, really don't want to."

She thought for a moment. "What are you suggesting I get pierced?"

"It's your body, so I thought I'd let you choose."

"Gee, thanks."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

After much coaxing and arguing, Booth and Temperance (plus a naval ring) emerged from the tattoo parlour forty-five minutes earlier. It had taken almost that long to get Temperance inside the building, but once she was in there, she had become very distracted by observing what she called 'a fascinating subculture' of employees.

"Hey, Bones, how come you never told me you used to be a sailor?"

"Huh?"

"I've never heard such foul language before in my life! And I was in the army."

"What's that got to do with sailing?"

"Wha... Never mind."

"I don't see why you have a problem with cursing, it's just an involuntary reaction to painful or unexpected stimuli that some people have."

"And I suppose crushing all of the bones in my hand was an involuntary reaction as well?"

"Yes," she said, visibly blushing and looking away from him.

"Did it really hurt that much?"

"Yeah!" She lifted her shirt a little to look at it again. It was kind of cool-looking really, and she felt like a total rebel – something she had never experienced before. She had the urge to get in touch with all of the people who had ever called her a loser in school, just to show them her stomach.

"You don't have to keep it if you really don't want to. You can just say that you did it, then take it out."

"Why would I do that?! It's awesome! What are we doing next?"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N OK, so I had to re-post this because I made a big boo-boo with it. It was brought to my attention and then I took it down to rectify it, so if you have this story on alert and got more than one email, I apologise. Right, so I have one more chapter in the pipeline, and I'd like your advice - do you want to see a romantic element to this story, or do you think I should leave it as just a friendship story? (I think I already know the answer!) Reviews please? Enjoy!

"You mean you actually want to do something else

"You mean you actually _want_ to do something else? You haven't had enough?" If he had allowed himself to bet on it, he would have said that she would have quit before the needle came out of its sterile packaging. He would have bet good money, maybe even his car, he was that sure. But her will to keep going was a little unexpected.

"Are you kidding?! This is such a rush! Even though you _did _disfigure me."

"Hey, I said you could back out at any time! I'm still amazed that you actually went through with it. You kicked baloney-phobic ass!"

"I think the adrenaline took over."

"Don't sell yourself short, Bones. I know it took guts for you to overcome your fear – I'm actually a little proud."

"Well, you're the one who dragged me in the store!"

"Encouraged," he corrected her, "Not dragged."

"I still think you should have got something pierced."

"I'm not really an earring kind of guy…"

"I wasn't thinking of an earring."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

"You know I just realised something. _You_ are in control. You said I had to learn to let go and relinquish control, but do you not think that was a little hypocritical of you? I mean, if you really wanted to play this game fairly, then I should take a turn in being in control."

"Oh, this isn't a game, Temperance. It's a _learning experience_. I'm only trying to help you."

"No, you just don't like relinquishing control!" She laughed triumphantly, as if she had finally worked out a difficult puzzle. "Admit it, if I took over, you would freak out!"

"No I wouldn't!"

"It's perfectly normal, Seeley – as a strong alpha male, not being in control would be seen by other males as a sign of weakness on your part."

"Hey!" She always found it amusing how, whenever she belittled his alpha male status, he puffed out his chest and clenched his jaw. He was subconsciously playing into every evolutionary cliché.

"Prove to me that you aren't being ludicrously hypocritical, then, and let me chose something for you to do."

He sighed, knowing full well that she wouldn't give up until she got her way. He was about to curse her for being so stubborn, but realised if the roles were reversed, he would do the same. And the worst part of all was that she was right.

"Fine. What did you have in mind?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

It took Temperance a surprisingly long time to come up with something reckless for Booth to do. She had come up with plenty mediocre scenarios, but kept them to herself, deeming them to be too tame or easy. She wanted to show him that she could take control just as well as he could. But for someone of above-average intelligence, she was having some trouble.

"How's it going?" Booth asked, coming back to join her in the car, armed with coffee, where she waited in the warmth. It had grown increasingly cold as the evening went on, and now that it was officially dark outside, the temperature had dropped significantly. She was regretting not having brought a more substantial jacket.

"Fine, thank you."

"Come up with anything?" He grinned, knowing full well that she hadn't.

"As a matter of fact, I have." She hadn't, but he didn't have to know that. She could buy herself a little more time with distraction techniques.

"Oh, well do share it with me."

"Not yet. You kept me in the dark for long enough, now I'm going to do the same to you."

"Alright. But if you could hurry it along a little, that'd be great."

"Why, got somewhere better to be?"

"Maybe. Or maybe I've just got my next turn all planned out already."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

"You've already got a tattoo. And you completely shot down the piercing idea. So I thought to myself, 'what is Seeley Booth scared of?'"

"I think you'll find that I'm not scared of anything, Bones."

"We both know that's not true."

"Well, enlighten me. What am I afraid of?"

"Oh no, I don't want to ruin the surprise. What I will say is that I called in a pretty huge favour for this, so you better not back out."

He started the car and turned to her. "Which way are we going?"

"Get back on the highway and go south. I'll direct you from there."

"Yes, ma'am."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

While Temperance was busy trying to direct Booth in the right direction, she heard her cell phone ringing in her bag on the back seat. She reached back to retrieve it.

"Brennan."

_"Hey, sweetie, it's Angela. We were supposed to have a movie night, remember? And you aren't here, so I guess it's safe to assume that you forgot."_

"I suppose I did. When did we say we were going to do it, because I don't even remember talking about it?"

_"Tuesday. You did seem like you were in your own little world, but you definitely wrote it down in your date book; I saw you do it."_

"Ah. Booth confiscated my date book." She had to hold the phone away from her ear slightly as Angela laughed loudly down the line.

_"Why did he do that? Were you naughty?"_

"Excuse me?" She tried to get Booth's attention by waving her left hand in front of him, in an attempt to get him to go that way.

_"Nevermind. He must have had a pretty good reason to take it away from you. And I'm surprised you've held it together long enough to be able to answer the phone. I'd say a freak-out is long overdue."_

"He said I have to learn to relinquish control. I did that, so now it's his turn."

_"Right. So you'd rather do that than movie night with me?"_

"No, but I didn't have much choice. He can be quite persuasive."

_"I'm sure he can. You know, all this 'I'm in control, do what I say' stuff could lead to some seriously kinky situations, you do realise that don't you?"_

"I don't know what that means."

_"I'm just saying, this 'game' that you're both playing sounds like a cover for something else."_

"Well it isn't." Something else? Like what?

_"Well alright then. You two play safely."_ They both hung up, and Temperance put her cell phone into her pocket. She had no idea what Angela meant, and just assumed it was her trying to be funny.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Eventually, they were almost at their destination. Booth hadn't guessed where they were going yet, but Temperance had a feeling that he was about to.

"Wait a minute, I know where we are! This is the zoo! I bring Parker here all the time."

"Finally, I was beginning to think we weren't in the right place."

"What are we doing here?"

"You'll soon find out."

"I hate to break it to you, but I'm not afraid of giraffes or zebras. And there is no way they would let you into the lion enclosure."

"Well then, it's a good job we aren't here for the giraffes or zebras or lions."

They parked the car, got out, and started walking up to the main gates. Booth was relieved to find them locked with a chain, but had a horrible feeling that that wasn't going to stop her. She walked right up to them and pressed the intercom button. For a few seconds there was nothing but static, then it crackled to life and a man's voice spoke out into the otherwise silent area.

_"We're closed."_

"Tommy, its Temperance Brennan."

_"Oh, sorry, come right in."_

A buzzer sounded and a side gate opened about twenty feet away. They went through, and waited patiently for Tommy to make his way over to them. Booth couldn't tell what his job was from what he was wearing – his khaki uniform seemed to be part security guard, part gamekeeper. He began to worry about what Temperance had in store for him.

"Right this way, Doctor Brennan." He led them down one of the many stone pathways, passing a sign the showed they were headed towards the insect habitat, the reptile enclosure and the bird area.

Neither of them had ever been in the zoo at night. She found it to be strangely calm, a little mysterious, and thought it to be the perfect setting for her next book. He found it to be eerily quiet, like something was about to jump out at him and chew his face off.

"Are you scared yet?" she asked, seeing the change in his body language and facial expression.

"Of what? I see nothing to be scared of."

"Well you're about to." They came to a building that was designed to look like a hut on an African reserve. Tommy unlocked the main door and ushered them both inside, but not before waving to the security camera that was placed nearby. "Welcome to the Bird House."

"Oh boy," he said, looking around. The room was dark except for the dim lamps in the glass enclosures, illuminating some not-so-friendly looking birds. "Owls and pigeons I can deal with. It's the angry ones I'm not so mad about." He immediately cursed himself for thinking out loud.

"Fabulous. I think he wants to hold that one, Tommy." She pointed to one of the glass boxes and Tommy went to work finding the falcon inside. Once he'd located it, he began to bring it slowly out and towards Booth, whose hands were shaking by this point.

"No way! It's horrible!" he shouted. Instead, Tommy handed the bird to Temperance, who held it without the slightest hint of disgust on her face.

"I'll leave you to it, Doctor Brennan. If you think he's about to pee himself, take him outside. My boss won't appreciate me letting you in here, and he definitely won't like you making a mess."

"I never understood how birds peed, I mean, where does it come out?" Booth asked, genuinely interested, but also trying to prolong having to hold the bird.

"I was taking about you, tough guy." He laughed as he went out, closing the door behind him, leaving Booth and Temperance (and Quigley the falcon) on their own.

"How did you get him to let us in?"

"The Jeffersonian has links to this zoo. Some of the anthropology students get work placements here. Tommy just happens to owe me a favour."

"Why?"

"I covered for him once. He had one of the meanest professors, who was a real stickler for punctuality, and when he was late I said that he'd been helping me out and his lateness was my fault." Seeing the look Booth was giving her, she felt compelled to add: "I felt sorry for the kid!"

"So you _do_ have a heart!"

"Just remember, I'm the one holding the scary bird, Seeley."

"Sorry. How did you know I don't like birds?"

"I've seen you almost jump out of your skin when they fly towards you."

"Oh."

"What makes you so afraid of birds? They really aren't frightening."

"I thought you didn't put much weight in psychology."

"I don't. I'm just wondering."

"You ever seen the Hitchcock movie, 'The Birds'?"

"I vaguely remember watching it with my mother. What's that got to do with anything?"

"I watched it with my mom when I was a kid, too. Do you remember the scene where all the birds come down the chimney and through the windows?"

"Not really."

"It's a major part of the movie, Bones. It just really freaked me out, because they just kept coming and they were caught in people's hair and everything. I couldn't go to the beach after that movie, I was afraid of the seagulls."

"Quigley isn't dangerous. At least, I hope not…"

"What?!"

"I'm kidding! Relax!"

"That's not funny. That movie traumatised me!"

"Then I think you should hold the bird. It will help you."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. Start of by just touching the feathers on the wing." Quigley was perched on her shoulder now, like a parrot. He sat there for a little while, but finally began to reach out his hand. His fingers inched towards the bird, until his fingertips finally came in contact with it.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"No you won't. Now, do you think you can progress to holding the bird?"

"No."

"Come on. How about just the tail end, and I'll hold the rest." After much coaxing, he finally had a grip on Quigley and was actually beginning to enjoy the experience. "See, this is just like cognitive therapy. You have to throw yourself in at the deep end to overcome your fear."

"If you keep talking like that, you'll start believing in that stuff."

"No I won't. You know, I thought your fear of birds might stem from your religion. If you sin, aren't you supposed to die then have your body devoured by birds of the air and beasts of the earth?"

"That probably would have been a better story to tell. Instead of the one where I was mentally scarred by a movie..."


End file.
